A woman has sparked the age-old debate about money and relationships after she refused to move into her boyfriend’s flat because he suggested they split everything 50/50.
It is often said that money is the root of all evil. While this may be the subject of some debate, research suggests that it is certainly the source of most rifts between couples. In a YouGov America survey of 18- to 44-year-olds who described themselves as in serious relationships, money was ranked as the most discussed topic.
It’s certainly at the center of a major dispute involving a woman who took to Reddit to vent her frustrations about what her boyfriend wants her to agree to before moving into his apartment.
Writing under the handle Ok_Database3372, she explained: “He’s been wanting me to move in for a while now, which I’d be thrilled to do” but “he wants to split the costs (his monthly mortgage payments plus bills and groceries etc) 50/50 as we will make about the same amount.”
She said she doesn’t think that’s fair since it’s “his apartment” and she would essentially be “paying his mortgage.” To her way of thinking, if they separated, she would “be left with nothing” while he would “have the house and his interest from its increase in value.”
Instead, she suggested paying “50/50 of all expenses” as well as half the interest rate, but nothing towards his mortgage payment.
“That way I can put the rest of the money into savings, so when my savings are big enough, we can move into an apartment together,” she said. “Or I could buy a share in his existing apartment.”
Her partner, however, thinks this is “unreasonable” as they wouldn’t have the same monthly expenses and accused her of focusing too much on “what’s mine and what’s his”.
Commenting on the dilemma, dating and relationship expert Angela N. Holton said Newsweek that while it may have made both parties uncomfortable, it’s important to “recognize the importance of having these kinds of conversations” before cohabiting.
“Communicating one’s needs, wants and expectations beforehand is essential to the success of the relationship,” she said. “So kudos to them for having these tough, honest conversations.”
However, Holton felt it was important to “seek understanding and compromise” in these types of situations and suggested there may be more to the issue than just money.
“As a woman, I know that women tend to want safety, security and protection, whether that’s physical, emotional or financial,” she said.
“Maybe she doesn’t feel safe and secure in the relationship or taking the next steps if he’s asking her to pay a mortgage that he’s taking on without her there.”
The issue sparked a lot of debate on social media, with Redditors flocking to discuss the issue.
Turnbacknowdog said: “Unless the live-in partner or family member is filling in for a paying tenant, it’s a good idea to ask them to pay the rent. All they owe the landlord is their share of the costs.” in common, plus a little goodwill and gratitude.”
KingsRooked662 felt differently though: “She’s currently paying rent somewhere, which is probably paying the landlord’s mortgage AND SOME. She’s not getting any equity right now from paying rent where she lives.”
KingKookus suggested a compromise: “He rents out the apartment and lives with her. They each pay 50/50 as she wants. He still benefits from his investment.”
Ok_Database3372 has since returned to the thread to confirm that she and her partner have put off moving in together for now.
Holton thought that’s probably for the best.
“I would suggest targeting the root cause and beliefs that are creating such strong and difficult positions and seek understanding,” she said. Newsweek. “If there is no mutual understanding and agreement, I think it can be very challenging for this couple to build a healthy relationship.”
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via firstname.lastname@example.org. We may seek expert advice and your story may appear in Newsweek.